They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize