I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
