If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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