Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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