and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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