i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize