I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize