Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
