I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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