god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
