Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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