My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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