I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
