She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
