The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
