marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
