i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
