Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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