By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
