This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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