Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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