o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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