you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
