he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
