Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Who died my cat blue again?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
