margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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