My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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