I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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