Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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