I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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