I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
