just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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