I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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