why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
