did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
