Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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