There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
