It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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