life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
