Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
