i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We have started to decorate penises.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
