So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
