no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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