And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
