I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
