I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
