I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
