Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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