I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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