2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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