You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
