Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
