I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Bring me that man meat
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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