Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
