Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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