What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
