i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
this hospital has no fireball
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
