I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
