that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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