just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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