the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
