four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize