I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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