Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
