Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
