Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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