you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
